kiera knightley not wanting you back seems like #whitegirlproblems now, eh? // amc promotional photo

Flashforward tried to be the new Lost.

The Event tried to be the new Lost.

And all we learned was that there probably will never be a new Lost. And while I’ve pretty much come to terms with that, I’m also happy to report that The Walking Dead … comes pretty close. Lots more after the jump.

In only five episodes, AMC’s new zombie thriller has completely won me over. With excellent writing, a fascinating premise with the potential for a captivating ongoing mythology, and–let’s face it–some of the nastiest crap I’ve ever seen, this show thrills and intrigues and scares me more than anything else ever has.

The level of gore on this show makes Dexter look like Sesame Street.

Season one concludes next week, and season two probably won’t hit airwaves until next Halloween (argh!), so before we bid farewell, let’s talk a little bit about what makes this show great.

At the end of the day, it’s just a survival story. So much of these first five episodes have just been about the logistics of surviving. What would you do for food and fuel? Who makes the rules? What do you do when people die? Are you still bound to your wedding vows if your husband is presumed dead?

In last night’s episode, there weren’t any fully-hatched zombies. It was all about the survivors and what they’ve gotta do to keep their group alive. I love seeing the writers develop the group’s plans. They knew they had to come up with one (after last week’s walker attack on the camp, the compound was no longer a viable option), but there wasn’t a clear right answer, either. They clearly demonstrated that there were competing ideas for the same overall interest–staying alive. It’s just good storytelling.

This isn’t your basic love triangle BS. Stop me if you’ve heard the story about the classic good-guy sheriff and the redneck jerk with a shared love interest. It’s a well-worn story (and one I have no interest in returning to in the near future, thank you very much), but the Rick-Lori-Shane dynamic is interesting nonetheless, because of who knows (and who knew) what, the super-complicated “life in a post-zombie apocalypse factor,” and the fact that we’re entering the story once serious choices have already been made. Instead of love triangle drama, we’re seeing the consequences of those choices play out. It’s refreshing and real.

Our hero is a complicated guy. Rick Grimes is smart, resourceful, and he’s got a primary mission to keep his family safe. And he can ride a horse like a champ. But his plans aren’t always solid, and he gets lucky a lot. Were it not for Felipe’s grandma showing up at just the right moment last week, the Vatos would have gunned down our guys without hesitation. At the end of the day, Rick’s still the sheriff, and he wants to lay down the rules. But as group relationships get more complicated–and especially now that they’ve hooked up with Mr. CDC–Rick’s power hat is only going to get him so far.

We’re slowly learning that this is a HUGE story they’re telling. We got a hint last night that there’s a lot more to the story than our group of six or so people. Mr. CDC (“Dr. Jenner,” according to Wikipedia, and “Desmond,” according to people who like hatches) gave us a clue that there’s research to be done on the virus–and that it has wiped out a significant portion of the world’s population. It’s bad news. As the story keeps unfolding, I think it’s safe to assume that the story will only get bigger and bigger. (I mean, what’s happened to the U.S. government, for starters?)

The guts and stuff? I’m okay with it. I often talk about how I hate gratuitous sex and violence on television, particularly as it relates to cable networks using boobs and neck-breaking just because they can. But for our guys on this show, I think it’s probably pretty realistic that you’d have to chop up a few zombies and that you’d encounter some unfortunate human deaths, and for that reason, I’m glad that NBC passed on this project. Although I will say, Carol went at Ed’s face with that pickaxe awfully enthusiastically.

There are just the right amount of unanswered questions. I’m already lost on The Event. There are just too many unknowns and untolds. But this show is so far doing an excellent job at holding just the right amount of plot points hostage. What happened to Merle? Will zombiefied Jim become a zombie? How did this all HAPPEN? I’m excited to find out the answers to these questions, but I also understand that there’s no hurry when every episode is so satisfying.

Oh, and also because Doc Jensen is covering it at EW. And also because, yes, that’s the posterboard guy from Love, Actually. And because Dale is like John Locke, except you want to hug him.

It’s. Just. So. Good.

An even MORE fun surprise was that Kristin dos Santos found actual scoop to report:

Tom (Aziz Ansari) will still have his adorable galpal Lucy, but the fact that Ron (Nick Offerman) is now dating his ex-wife is going to drive him cray-cray, and push his new, healthy, happy relationship way into the background.

Now, I had to Google parks and recreation lucy to remember that Lucy was the bartender Tom met in the penultimate episode of season two, but that doesn’t make this tidbit any less LOLarious. Because the Ron and Tom’s ex-wife thing has been well-established–much like season three itself, this relationship has been a long time coming. (By the way, the Parks & Recreation Wikipedia pages are surprisingly detailed and helpful.) Just the hint of it prompted Leslie to suggest, “You two should get married and start a club for people who have betrayed Tom Haverford.” (So are the quotes pages on this site. This is an incredibly well-organized group of individuals.)

This year, EW bucked tradition and put a smattering of shows on the cover of the annual issue dedicated to television. I get the reasoning behind it–it ups the chances you’ll buy it in line at the grocery store if your buddies are smiling back at you–but it still felt like a cop-out.

Before I found out that EW had sold out the cover of the issue, my money was on Modern Family. I was two weeks too early.

I know, I know. Hashtag white girl problems.

Anyway, it’s great that the cast (the WHOLE cast!) of Modern Family is in the magazine this week, gracing three separate special covers and a slew of pictures inside.

Modern Family is hard to talk about, because the plots are so delightfully simple. Even though spoilers aren’t necessarily hard to come by for this show, they’re not super-exciting, either. Which isn’t to say these plots won’t be hilarious when they happen–they will be. It’s not the situations that are so funny, it’s what the characters do and how the writers build in the nuances that make this show SO FREAKING FUNNY.

The characters are all so likeable, the stories are so relateable … blah blah blah, gush gush gush.

The big news about this season is that (gasp!) Mitchell and Cam will finally kiss. Here’s what EW says about it:

The story of the Mitchell-and-Cam lip-lock (airing Sept. 29), however, became something of a soap opera in itself hwen a “Let Cam & Mitchell kiss!” Facebook page sprang up in May. Still, the producers and actors insist a smooch was already in the works for this season: “It’s nice that people care so much, but it kind of bums me out in that now it looks like we’re doing something because somebody begged us to or pressured us to,” says Stonestreet. “The [writers] wanted to tell a good story and not just make a moment out of it. It should just be normal, natural, and sweet, and done in a really great way, which is how they’re doing it.” Agrees Ferguson: “I thought it was really sweet that the fans were so avid about the show and wanted to see that happen….That being said, it’s not a Choose Your Own Adventure type of show. We have amazing writers. And we’re not just going to give the fans whatever they want to see.”

Well said.

EW is also a little bitch when it comes to embedding videos, so here’s a link to a super-cute video of the kids at the magazine shoot. ::Shakes head:: A link.

Well, damn.

Fox is pulling out all the stops this week to get folks to tune into Fringe–even I’ll admit I wait until The Office is over before hitting my DVR–and using lots of viral media to promote the show.  Perhaps most intriguing is a Facebook page they’ve set up, under the guise of a journalist looking to learn more about Observers: “Personal Mission: To uncover the truth. There are those who watch, those who cover it up, and those who bring the truth to light. My mission is to reveal the true history of the 20th century: the moon landing, JFK assassination, Princess Diana’s death, 9/11, where AIDS really came from, Elvis’ death, Roswell, Global warming, one world governments, universal health care, 2012, crypto zoology, and all the others patterns on earth that the observers choose to watch.”

It also includes this crypticlicious quote: “Right now, the observers just observe. But how long will that last? And what is their connection to those who cover up the truth?”

This really is one of the more interesting mysteries I’ve seen on TV in a long time.  Are The Observers good or bad?  How do they know what’s coming? What’s their connection to the other side?  What’s their connection to Walter?  Is there a connection to the little bald kid they found last season?

I hope Fox’s investment pays off this week; this show just keeps getting better and better.

I’ve watched a lot of television in my day, but I’ve never been as consistently moved by a series as I am by FNL.  Watching the new Lions play, I was trying to figure out the whole time whether they were going to pull it together and find a miracle or crash and burn like they were expected to.

I’m so looking forward to so many big moments that are sure to come this season–the first time the Lions really play like a team, the first time they really earn Coach’s respect, and, of course, the first time they kick some McCoy ass on the field.

Also, I just adore Matt Saracen.

Here’s a video of Peter Berg on directing the season premiere.  (He still really freaks me out ever since he played Sydney Bristow’s double-crossing boyfriend, Noah, on Alias.)

you deserve so much better than this // abc promotional photo

One of my favorite “Oh, that girl!” actresses is Judy Greer, who’s appeared in some of my favorite shows and movies in small, if memorable roles. She was Jennifer Garner’s frenemy in 13 Going on 30, Katherine Heigl’s tell-it-like-it-is coworker in 27 Dresses, and the off-her-rocker secretary Kitty Sanchez in several episodes of Arrested Development.

Two seasons ago, she had a short-lived ABC series, Miss Guided, where she was charming and clearly working her ass off to sell something that couldn’t really be sold.

Now, ABC has ordered a script for a pilot called I’m With Stupid, based on a novel of the same name and attached to Greer. The plot centers around a New Yorker who meets her dream man on safari, only to find out he’s dumber than a box of rocks when he follows her back to Manhattan. I’m just going to go ahead and say it–this has the potential to last about a maximum three episodes.

Judy Greer is hilarious and adorable, and she seems like someone who would be great for television. So then why does she keep getting involved in all of these lame pilots?  Why can’t anyone write something awesome for this woman? UGH!

In case you missed them, there are two deleted scenes out from last week’s Office snoozefest, “Mafia.”  It’s really a shame this C-story got cut, as it features my old third favorite character (Kelly) and my new third favorite character (Erin). You may recall from last season that Erin’s name is actually Kelly, as well, but she chose Erin once Michael decided there could only be one Kelly in the office. As the office’s replacement Pam, looks like Erin’s having a little trouble fitting in–but she’s really far too nice for these people, anyway. Too bad she’s so nice and so awkward that she’s willing to stop at nothing to make them like her.

Hopefully we’ll get to see more of this character soon–she’s so charming and endearing, a nice addition to the chaos.  We know she’s a big part of the upcoming webisodes, “Subtle Sexuality,” about Kelly and Erin forming a girl group. (Past and present third-favorite characters unite!)

oh, liz // nbc promotional photo

I’m extremely grateful 30 Rock is back this week, since Jim and Pam’s honeymoon absence would have otherwise rendered NBC Thursday a sad, sad night.  Luckily, though, it’s the return of, seriously, the funniest show on television.  (Let’s get this straight–I may not have much to say about them, but 30 Rock is the funniest show on television and Friday Night Lights is the best show on television.  I am very clear on these points.)

Fresh off its third Emmy win for Best Comedy, 30 Rock starts the season with pretty much business as usual.  Nothing about the show or the characters has fundamentally changed since it premiered three years ago, which is part of the reason why I rarely have anything exciting to say about it.  But it’s also part of the reason why the show is so great–it just consistently works.

In celebration of its return, I suggest you purchase this Glarkware shirt, which celebrates one of Liz Lemon’s most endearingly bizarre habits: