"excuse me, am i reading this chart correctly? did you dimwits really buy a baby?" // abc promotional photo

Last night, The Hollywood Reporter announced that Benjamin Bratt will join the cast of Private Practice as a series regular starting in this year’s season finale.

Which begs the question … how many incredibly attractive people does it take to save a lagging series?

Private Practice is pretty much overflowing with sexiness. In fact, Addison Montgomery has so many choices for sex partners, it’s almost embarrassing. (Even more embarrassing is that she’s an emotionally-stunted nightmare who most often chooses “all of the above.”)

We should assume that it won’t take long for Bratt to get into someone’s scrubs … but whose?

Addison and Sam’s relationship appears to be headed for a breakup, considering Naomi’s selfish, screamy outburst last week (and the revelation that the once-married Sam and Naomi HAD A MOMENT, HOLY CRACKERS), so our leading lady might be free for sexytimes with the erstwhile Detective Curtis.

A more interesting take, I think, would be a new love interest for Caterina Scorsone’s Amelia Shephard. Even though this sex-crazed recovering drug addict is possibly the nuttiest character on this nutty nut show (and the one who gets the most insane lines), she’s also probably my favorite. And even though she really gets around, she hasn’t yet had a serious love interest. I’d love to see her get somebody who isn’t just someone else’s recycled goods, as this show is wont to do.

The other, less important question is what sort of doctor Bratt will be. Are we to guess that he’ll be taking over Naomi’s part of the practice (fertility), or that Shonda Rhimes is creating an entirely new specialty for him? My guess would be he’s bringing new skills to the table, as Addison can be the vessel for any pregnancy-related storylines they want to tell in the future.

The thing about Private Practice is that while the medical cases often bring ethically interesting components, the way the characters respond is usually incredibly unethical and unprofessional. (Case in point: last week, Amelia purposefully gave her patient the incorrect diagnosis after said patient vowed to kill herself if the results weren’t in her favor.) So I’m all about bringing in new blood, who might be able to steer these guys toward the up-and-up of their profession. In fact, can Bratt please be an Ethics Specialist, who comes in to audit Oceanside’s behavior and practices? Oh, gosh, now I NEED this to happen.

So for me, the news that Charlotte will be the victim of sexual assault isn’t as personally heartbreaking as it would be if she were a character I love or respect. It doesn’t mean I’m not shocked by this story concept, or that I’m immune to the agony this whole plotline is sure to introduce, just that the personal connection isn’t there. I will say that this is a truly unique concept from Shonda Rhimes, who seriously must have changed her vitamin regimen this year or something because she’s coming up with some juicy stuff.

This couldn’t come at a worse time in Charlotte’s life, since she’s finally (or for the forty-fourth time) gotten things settled with Cooper and agreed to marry him. The fallout from the assault will undoubtedly shake up their marriage plans. KaDee Strickland did some interviews about the storyline yesterday, and she talked about how the experience will change her character forever. Even though this is a terrible thing to happen to any person, even a fictional one who aggravates the becheesus out of me, I can’t help but wonder if this could end up being a catalyst for much-needed character development. Could she finally decide to put an end to the Cooper/Charlotte nonsense, once and for all? Could she end up changing so much that she becomes a character who isn’t so deplorable? Everyone involved seems to be (rightfully) looking at this plot point as a major change in Charlotte’s life, and one way or another, she needed a change. This one’s just going to be a lot harder to deal with (and a lot harder to watch) than a housefire or the forty-fifth breakup with Cooper or a suspicious mole whose biopsy comes back negative.

In his interview with KaDee, Ausiello noted, “Rape stories are a dime a dozen on TV these days,” but I don’t really think that’s true. Maybe on Law & Order: Special Victims Unit, but as Shonda Rhimes says, “A lot of violence against women on television is from the point of view of law enforcement, as opposed to standing in the shoes of the actual victim and seeing how it is for them and the people around them.” I honestly can’t recall any series regular being a rape victim or a rape survivor ever. This has the potential to be groundbreaking, if done correctly–and from the sounds of it, the showrunners are taking care to make sure the storyline is handled appropriately.

Of course, this is Private Practice, so it could also be maudlin and moderately offensive.

you're weird. // abc promotional photo

E! interviewed Caterina Scorsone, newly minted Private Practice regular, about her upcoming crossover dealio with Grey’s Anatomy. Spoilers after the jump.

Caterina’s character, Amelia Shepherd, is one of Derek’s sisters–and one with whom he has a complicated relationship. Apparently these two witnessed their father’s murder as children and have not been close since the tragedy. According to Caterina, the crossover, in which Addison ships Amelia to Seattle, will shed lots of light on the family’s history. While I don’t really care so much about Amelia Shepherd, I’m very interested in Derek’s backstory, particularly as it relates to him becoming a father this season.

What’s interesting about this crossover is it’s not really clear what the impetus for it is. Caterina says, “Basically Addison kicks her in the keester. Amelia is kicking and screaming and doing everything she can do to avoid the inevitable, but Addison somehow convinces her that she’s gotta go to Seattle.” Usually when they do these crossovers, there’s some kind of medical crisis that only Derek or only Addison or only whoever can solve. This time, it seems pretty personal.

It’s also not clear if Patrick Dempsey will be returning the favor and appearing on Private Practice. I’m way more interested in seeing Derek interact with ex-wife Addison than with his sister. Even more interesting, I wonder if fertility specialist Naomi could shed some light on Derek and Meredith’s pregnancy issues. (Speaking of which, you know–you KNOW you KNOW you KNOW–that once Meredith is pregnant for realsies, Addison’s going to have to deliver that super-troublesome baby.)

ALSO. I just realized this. Tyne Daly plays the Shepherds’ mom, Carolyn. Tyne Daly is Tim Daly’s sister. Tyne Daly played Amy Brenneman’s mom for six years on Judging Amy. That’s awesome.

Now, bear with me for this inaugural episode–the lighting isn’t great and I have no idea what was going on with that ponytail. Also, yes, those are nine pieces of white paper taped to the wall of my apartment. My budget for this project is, well, nonexistent.

In this “premiere,” I’m dissecting the romantic entanglements on the series Private Practice. They are myriad, and they are gross.

]]> http://epic-flail.com/2010/09/15/omg-its-an-epic-flail-video-post/feed/ 2 Allie http://epic-flail.com/2010/02/22/greys-anatomy-private-practice-and-the-deterioration-of-romance-in-shondaland/ http://epic-flail.com/2010/02/22/greys-anatomy-private-practice-and-the-deterioration-of-romance-in-shondaland/#comments Mon, 22 Feb 2010 21:21:54 +0000 Allie http://epic-flail.com/?p=729 ]]>

enjoy it while it lasts, lady. // abc promotional photo

Pete and Addison are kind of back together on Private Practice, which made me think for a moment that things were finally righting themselves in Shonda Rhimes’s world.  See, Pete and Addison totes made out in Practice‘s backdoor pilot, and then they had some more hot kissing in the first handful of episodes, but before long, the wheels came off the wagon.  Most recently, Addison’s been doing some kissing with Sam, and Pete’s still inexplicably obsessed with Violet, who really should be with Cooper, who’s AGAIN NOT AGAIN hooking up with the excruciating Charlotte.

When Pete and Addison most recently fell into bed together, they admitted they were just settling for each other.  But Sam’s officially put the kibosh on his flirtation with Addison, and Violet doesn’t seem to be coming around any time soon, so it’s possible that my personal pick for Private Practice OTP may actually have a shot at something here.

However, despite my appreciation for Pete/Addison, I’ve recently come to realize that it’s stupid to keep your fingers crossed for ANY couple on Private Practice or Grey’s Anatomy, when the absolute best you can hope for is a Post-It “wedding.”

See, Shonda doesn’t do relationships–she does hookups.  The characters can appear to make it work for a while (Callie and Arizona, Owen and Cristina), but there’s always someone lurking in the background (Mark, Teddy) to make one or both relationship participants behave like children.  And even though she’ll bring on new characters as “potential love interests” for established characters, I don’t believe for a second that she has any plan as to who’s supposed to end up with whom.  For instance, Alex.  At the end of the show’s run, will Shonda pull out all the stops to get Katherine Heigl to do a Clooney and reunite with Alex?  And what about Cooper?  Are we supposed to want him to figure things out with the unimaginably horrifying Charlotte, or are we to believe that he and BFF Violet may one day become more than friends?

I’m far more inclined to believe that the notion of who-ends-up-with-whom will boil down to which pairings are doing the dirty in the on-call room in the episode prior to the series finale.

Which isn’t really that big of a problem, except for that it (A) doesn’t exactly instill trust in the producer, (B) gets a little ridiculous as the characters grow up, and (C) makes fools out of the people who stupidly get excited about things like weddings.  (On the flip side, it makes break-ups almost humorous–consider how pain-free Mark/Lexie’s break-up was.)

So when Kevin McKidd goes out and says, “I’ve always thought it would be cool to see (Owen and Christina) have a baby together down the line,” I want to pat him on the head and say, “Dream on, little ginger one.”

she really has the pained expression nailed. // abc promotional photo

I haven’t watched Private Practice in several weeks–mostly because I dislike watching 40-somethings act like children–but the promos for tonight’s 2-hour epic throwdown make the episode look promising.

Dell’s daughter is injured in her mom’s meth lab explosion!

Addison’s dad slept with Violet!

Violet and Pete still can’t figure out their Lucas drama!

Addison’s mom is here!

Charlotte is still the most deplorable character on network television!

Maya’s hooking up with boys and her parents are NOT happy about it!

And Dharma’s mom from Dharma and Greg is 60 and pregnant–with a 30-year-old dude’s baby!

Wow. That is a LOT to deal with.  The stuff that sounds cool (one of the sneaks suggests that Dell’s babymama died in the explosion, which would definitely be a good thing, ’cause her storylines suck hard) looks like it might have the power to outweigh the stuff that sounds miserably painful (anything involving Charlotte).

Here’s one sneak peek–there are ELEVEN more at SpoilerTV.

escape, addison! // abc promotional photo

ABC’s big on these Private Practice/Grey’s Anatomy crossover extravaganzas, and just after Bailey’s trip to California, they’re gearing up for another one–this one of the best variety.  Ausiello reported today that Kate Walsh will be heading back to Grey’s in January for a crossover involving Mark and his patient, played by Leven Rambin, the girl who tweeted about possibly coming between Lexie and Mark in the future:

In the Grey’s half of the crossover, Mark summons Addison to Seattle Grace to perform a surgery on [Leven Rambin's character]. The storyline spills over into Private when, according exec producer Shonda Rhimes, “complications arise and Mark ends up taking [her] back down to Los Angeles to get more surgery.”

So now as if Mark/Lexie fans weren’t already worried about this new girl, they’ve also got to be concerned about Addison, who’s affair with McSteamy is the whole reason we have him around, anyway.  I think the new girl poses a bigger problem, as it’s obvious that if Mark’s gunning not only to bring Addison up but to travel with the patient to LA–he’s pretty attached. And we know that doesn’t happen to McSteamy all that often. But good for Mark for getting a real storyling of his very own. That doesn’t happen to McSteamy all that often, either.

Anyway.

On the recent Private Practice/Grey’s Anatomy crossover special, it was revealed (I believe for the first time) that Sam (Taye Diggs) is something of a cardio god.  Snaps for Taye.

Now, the only reason why this is relevant at all is because on last week’s Grey’s Anatomy, Cristina freaking CRIED—she CRIED!—because she is dismayed at the lack of cardio opportunities at Seattle Grace.  Now, this could all definitely be a complete coincidence.  (Private Practice’s ep was written by Dana Baratta, while Grey’s was written by William Harper.)  But, as has been pointed out to me, that’s a pretty insane coincidence.

Some possibilities:

#1: Just a coincidence. It means nothing.

#2: Shonda realizes that Private Practice is a minefield of death and is planning for its inevitable demise by creating “outs” for her most valuable assets.  Let me tell you, the idea of Addison and Sam—arguably the two least hateable characters at Oceanside Wellness—leaving LA for Seattle is an appealing one for me.

#3: Realizing the value of these crossover opportunities, Shonda is merely drawing parallels between her two universes to create further potential for the two to collide.  Regardless of whether or not Sam actually ends up moving to Seattle eventually—which I find quite doubtful—they’ve just set up an interesting situation if they ever decide to introduce Cristina and Sam.  (They may have already met during that whole Archer Montgomery thing—I can’t remember.)

I think #3 is probably the most likely.  Private Practice isn’t failing, and there’s really no need yet for her to be plotting exit strategies for her contracted actors.  And let’s face it—Taye Diggs is one of the things that Private Practice really has going for it.  Were he to leave, the show would be severely crippled—it wouldn’t be a good move unless Private Practice was already in immediate danger, which I don’t think it is.

their clothes ARE super-cute // abc promotional photo

Most people watch different shows for different reasons.  For example, I watch Lost and Bones for two very different reasons; I dislike being asked to overanalyze the contents of Booth’s nightstand (as many people did after “The End in the Beginning”), but I spend my Lost hiatuses knee-deep in alternate reality games whose specific purpose is overanalysis.  Two different shows.  Two different reasons.

You have to accept things for what they are.  Private Practice is really not a very good show.  The plots are all over the place, some of the characters are just downright deplorable, and the relationships are all screwed up.  So why do I keep watching it week after week?  Because even though it basically sucks, it sucks in a good way.

The first two episodes of the season have focused primarily on Violet, recovering from the physical and emotional toll she took when a crazy patient cut her baby out of her and stole it.  (That right there should set up why this show is such a hot mess.)  At the end of Thursday’s episode, she passed Baby Lucas (yeah, they got him back) off to Pete, telling him the best thing for the baby was to not be with her.  Shonda Rhimes basically thinks up the most crazy, cliche storylines she can possible imagine, and then she just runs with them.

And while it’s getting super-frustrating on Grey’s, considering how good that show was in the beginning, it’s working just fine on this show, which has been ridiculous since the beginning.

I’ll excuse the baby-swapping and the still-simmering paternity drama, but there are a couple of things that I just can’t stand.

#1 is Charlotte King.  She’s just such a miserable shrew, and I really wish she would get hit by a bus.  I have seen the exact same scene of her breaking up with Cooper (“Well, you’re in love with Violet!” “Well, you’re a cold-hearted bitch!” “I’m really, really damaged!”) at least a dozen times, and every time, they just end up getting back together FOR NO REASON.  Oh, she’s just so hateful.

#2 is the ships.  Aside from Charlotte/Cooper, which is just painful to watch–I can’t believe they’re trying to pass this off as appropriate near-middle-aged behavior–I still HATE HATE HATE Pete/Violet.  Remember how much chemistry Tim Daly has with Kate Walsh?  Remember their super-hot makeout sessions in the office  back in the first season???  Now remember how damn FORCED it feels between Pete and Violet?  Why are they forcing this ship?  It makes no SENSE.  And, Addison, my God, she’s had more love interests in the last year (David Sutcliffe, Married Guy, and the guy who’s now on Better off Ted) than is really necessary, but they all keep getting better jobs.  Is it possible y’all could, I don’t know, get somebody on a contract to come and play her love interest?  I feel like the show set up Pete/Addison so nicely at the beginning that they’re finding it difficult to get a guy in there who’s worthy of being Addison’s True Love.  (Although, I suppose, is anyone really worthy of her?)

#3 is how flaky everyone is about work.  They’re all always quitting or coming back to the practice or thinking about quitting or getting fired.  STOP IT.

But, yeah, despite all of these egregious problems, I’ll still watch the show.  Because I’m not watching it for the relationships or the plots or the patients.  I’m just watching it for the camp factor–it’s so bad, it’s good.  Oh, and sometimes Addison goes off about her credentials, and it’s always awesome.