funny. you don't look dead. // abc promotional photo

Castle’s fourth season premieres tonight, and—SPOILER ALERT—Beckett lives. Although we can expect the premiere to deal largely with the fallout of the shootout, what’s really changing the game here is Castle’s confession of love.

Or is it?

Yes, Castle verbalized his feelings for Beckett, and, yes, it probably surprised him a little bit, too. But could this be a classic tree-falls-in-the-woods situation? No one else heard his confession, and it remains to be seen whether or not Kate herself heard those words before completely losing consciousness. (My money’s on no.)

Critical to this show’s future is using the cliffhanger to propel the show forward, instead of just resetting the team to status quo by the end of the premiere. There are hints that they are trying: Castle and Josh aren’t pretending to be friendly anymore, and Beckett—again, she shockingly survives—will be in precinct-mandated therapy this season. The therapy could be a great conceit for this show, because it allows the characters to verbalize those feelings before facing the consequences of doing so. Sydney Bristow was able to talk about Vaughn with her CIA shrink on Alias, and Sweets has been Booth and Brennan’s sounding board for years on Bones.

Stana Katic told TVGuide:

“She’s making an adult decision not to dive into something because she doesn’t want to screw it up. She has real, adult reasons for making the choices she makes. … She cares for him so much. She’s in love with him. She’s dated other guys, but he’s the only guy she’s been in love with.”

That’s all well and good, Stana, but at a certain point, the mature thing for people who are in love with each other to do is to try to be together. It’s what made the last two seasons of Bones so tedious, and it’s part of why Fringe is so good lately. (Would Peter disappearing from Olivia’s life be as heartbreaking if they hadn’t been so publicly, officially, permanently together?)

I wonder if sexual tension could survive indefinitely were writers not in the business of slowly moving the needle. Bones’s fourth season was fun and largely angst-free—it wasn’t until he pushed for a relationship in season five that I started really questioning their logic of being apart. So with Castle now inching its way toward an inevitable hookup (well, one could argue they’ve been inching their way there since the pilot, but it’s definitely more serious now), how much longer can they wait?

Or maybe the real question is — how much longer can you wait?

The newest Glee promo is the first to feature new footage from season four, and it contains a big spoiler: Will and Emma are together! It’s presented super-casually in the promo, and Michael Ausiello reported on their togetherness as if it was already old news and not a huge scoop.

Maybe it’s just everyone’s collective enn-Glee (that’s Glee ennui, for those not up on their French-English portmanteaux), but this is big news. The question is — how did this happen? I mean, are those lunchboxes they’re holding? Are they making lunches together? Like, in the morning before work?

Sure, they were back on good terms by season’s end, but there was no indication that they were about to spend their summer getting cozy. Brad Falchuk confirmed that a Will/Emma scene was deleted from “New York,” and there was a rumor that went around that there may have even been a kiss in said scene. So here’s what I think went down:

Will was humbled at Nationals, both because of New Directions’s shame-ridden defeat and his embarrassing performance of “Still Got Tonight.” (By the way, I had to Google the name of that song, because my instinct was to call it “Waiting for Tonight,” but I knew that wrong. Now there’s a song that Glee should cover!) When he gets home, he tells Emma that his real dream is here, with the kids and with her. Bonus points if he actually said, “I came back for you.” So he is back, and he is ready to be in a relationship with her whenever she is ready to be in a relationship with him. And maybe in that scene, we find out that she is probably not ready right this moment, but she could maybe spend the summer getting ready! Perhaps there was even a chaste kiss full of promise, but I’m not really buying that rumor.

It would have at least set the stage for the lunchbox kissing. As it stands, the lunchbox kissing seems super-surprising. But, hey, you don’t see me complaining. You know what else is super-surprising? That Will seems to have gotten a pretty drastic haircut, but he still looks vaguely like a sexual predator.

Glee season two DVDs come out September 13, at which point we may finally learn the truth about what happened to Will and Emma in the finale. There’s also the possibility that we will just NEVER KNOW, and that’s okay, too. Whatever. Enn-Glee.

Booth and Brennan arrive at a crime scene, where Brennan is dressed in her typical Jeffersonian jumpsuit—pulled tight over her huge baby bump. Booth is, as expected, doing a pretty good anxious father routine, complaining about her traipsing through the woods. Brennan is, as expected, using anthropology to refute his concerns: women have been squatting in the woods popping out babies for centuries. Booth is, as expected, traumatized by all discussion of squatting.

“I’m never going to be able to survive this pregnancy, I’m telling ya.”

It’s predictable, it’s not particularly clever—but it’s also freaking adorable.

I mean, you guys! Booth and Brennan are having a baby together! They are opposites and they are having a baby together! They have been will-they-won’t-they-ing for six seasons and they are having a baby together!

Question is, after the novelty of squatting conversations wears off, what’s left? Well, then there’s the actual baby, but then what? The writers seem certain that skipping the first six or so months of Booth and Brennan’s romance will allow them to beat the Moonlighting Curse—which, until they actually paired them up, they swore did not exist—but I maintain that good stories can be told whether the characters are together or apart, and bad stories can be told whether the characters are together or apart.

The challenge they have to deal with this season, in my opinion, isn’t writing an interesting post-hookup Booth/Brennan, but rather writing good stories—period. Maybe it will give them a fresh burst of creativity—it sure did for Friends back in the day—but they’re only going to be able to rely on cute baby cuteness for so long.

Last thing—do you want to hear my theory? I think episode six—the last before Emily Deschanel’s maternity hiatus kicks in—will end with a “Booth, I’m in labor” cliffhanger. And it’ll probably happen at a really inopportune time. Maybe it’ll even be related to this season’s serial killer. Booth thinks squatting in the fields to birth a baby is an unsavory idea? See what he thinks when she starts having contractions in a killer’s dungeon lair or something. Then they can decide when they get back if they want to:

(A)   Say it was false labor and get Booth and Brennan the heck out of that dungeon lair!

(B)   Start right back in the dungeon lair and have Booth deliver that messy baby by himself, all the while holding a gun on the killer!

(C)   Skip more time to where the baby is born and fine and like three years old!

Good times all around.

“We all get really good at pretending that the loneliness isn’t there, and then something comes along to remind us. I know what it’s like to have a hole in my life. It’s been there as long as I can remember.”

I am willing to follow any storyline these writers want to write, because this, Olivia? This is all I want. I want you to feel empty and not understand why. I want your life to feel unfulfilled. I want you to be like Goldilocks, where nothing is ever good enough for you, except that BABY BEAR NEVER EXISTED and everything is either too big or too small, and thus you are perpetually frustrated by life and men and your entire existence.

(Is it possible that my husband also got sucked into the machine or the crack in Amy Pond’s wall, as well?)

The question, in my mind, is now … what happens when he comes back? Will Olivia and Walter automatically feel like the hole is filled? Life goes on with Naked Tuesdays and the like? Or will it be the opposite–our heroes don’t recognize that this is the piece of their lives that has been missing for so long?

My bet is that it’ll be something of a hybrid. Our folks will be curious about him, but he won’t completely fill that gap at first. The love won’t just come pouring back–it’ll take some time. John Noble told E! Online:

“What’s happening is we’re going to bring Josh back in as Peter, but not in the same way. Not as a person that’s been there with us all the time, but as a person that comes in our lives at this stage. That’s very different, because the relationship that the audiences know won’t be there. Olivia won’t be in love with him, at least to start with. So we’ve started a whole possibility for relationship growth.”

And so THEN the question is … when Peter comes back, is he just some guy who pops into existence as a grown man, with no recollection of his life or his character or his personality? Or will he know everything? Will he know about 2026? Will he know enough to be devastated that Olivia doesn’t recognize him?

I imagine that if you sacrificed your existence for a person and then dragged yourself back into reality to be with them, you’d be pretty disappointed if you looked into that person’s eyes and were met only with confusion. I hope that, no matter how much Peter knows, there’s still a moment–whether it happens organically or by some machine-related intervention–when it all rushes back for Olivia and Walter. When this enigmatic stranger becomes Walter’s son, Olivia’s husband, the boy in the tulip field again.

Twenty seconds of new footage and I could go on for pages.

We’re 30 days away from the premiere … can you wait?

That sounds so wrong. Julianna Margulies is gorgeous, and that much is always obvious, but they definitely make her look very severe on the show. They straighten and spray her hair, they put her in those lawyerly outfits, and they rarely give her a good reason to smile. It’s what makes this much-discussed key art so jarring:

Hot diggity, Mrs. Florrick! For comparison, here are some promo images from seasons one and two:

The only recognizable similarity is the font.

Then there’s this fun, sexy promo:

Not only is Alicia leaving her husband, sleeping with her boss, and being an all around BAMF, but she also GOT A HAIRCUT. This is huge. In all seriousness, I am incredibly excited to see this season of The Good Wife. Not just because Alicia’s finally getting some, but because this show thrives on fallout. The entire series is predicated on the fallout of Peter’s scandal. Since that initial reveal, there have been more thrilling developments–the campaign, Kalinda’s betrayal, etc.–but the best part is dealing with the aftermath. With everything related to Will and Alicia, it’s been all build-up for two seasons, and now we’re going to deal with the dirty, messy aftermath.

I doubt it’ll be all rainbows and black lingerie, though, but that’s kind of the fun part, right? The fun part will be watching Alicia and Kalinda try to salvage a friendship–or battle each other. It’ll be watching Eli Gold and Peter and Diane find out about Will and Alicia. It’ll be seeing how Alicia reacts to newcomer Celeste Serrano (Lisa Edelstein) supposedly has a bit of a past with Mr. Gardner.

My money’s on Celeste being someone who’s had sex with Will in a LOT of different positions. (Her last name is the same as a kind of chili pepper–you know she knows how to get busy.) And that will make Alicia feel uncomfortable, because she didn’t know there was more than one way. But she is willing to learn! And she doesn’t want Will to give up on her just because she has to get divorced and catch up on her Cosmos, while Celeste Jalapeno is putting her cleavage in his face and reminding him of all their good naked times.

Since May, I have voiced but one demand for season four, and it is that Walter and Olivia’s hearts must ache for Peter, even if they cannot identify or explain this pain. I want them to try to dismiss it. I want them to try to gauge if the other is feeling it, too. I want Olivia to drink a glass of whisky or hear “For Once In My Life” on the radio and have to choke back unexplainable tears. I want Walter to be lost, with very little to hold onto. AND I WANT IT TO HURT. In io9′s tease-tastic feature on season four, Blair Brown drops a hint that sent me reeling:

“Particularly for Olivia and Walter, there’s a chunk missing, and they don’t know what it is.”

Yessssssssss! Yes. Yes yes. Yes. Do they listen to my demands after all? (If so, more Nina! More Lincoln! Maybe a Nina and Lincoln spin-off!)

After the finale, the season three scenes about Olivia “holding on” to Peter became extremely relevant once more. While being brainwashed into believing she’s Fauxlivia on the other side, she’s visited by a hallucination of Peter, who challenges her to hold onto her identity and (so romantic) to him and their fledgling romance. Later, after coming back to our world to discover that Peter has not done the same, Olivia has that amazing “Marionette” speech about how irrational it was that she held onto him, this “figment of my imagination.” As I said in my Season in Review, “It kills me now, thinking about the implications it might have for Olivia going into next season, now that the expectation of remembering is solely on her shoulders. She claimed she’s a holding-on pro, but now those skills will really be put to the test.”

So to know that, at least in some part, Olivia and Walter are–irrationally, illogically–holding on to Peter? It’s everything.

Meanwhile, Joshua Jackson has been championing the Peter/Olivia romance, something he has–admittedly–never done. Here’s an excerpt from TVLine’s interview with Jackson:

“I was never a real huge fan of the Peter/Olivia storyline,” he concedes. “All of Fringe is on this epic scale, and that seemed kind of banal to me at the center of it.”

But now, in the wake of Peter’s season-ending act and its dire ramifications, his connection to Olivia (played by Anna Torv) “is on an epic scale as well,” Jackson notes. “This guy sacrificed himself for the woman that he loves, which made that relationship more interesting and it launched us into the off-season with this ‘Holy s—t!’ moment.”

Even though I’ve been convinced of the cosmic, emotional scale of this relationship since “Subject 13,” he has a point. Those last few episodes of season three elevated Peter and Olivia’s story, from their co-controlling of the machine to the revelation of their future happy marriage to his sacrifice of his existence for the possibility of hers. And although the relevance of that flashforward to the rest of the series remains to be seen, the connection between Peter and Olivia is no longer deniable.

(Also, good use of the word epic, Mr. Jackson.)

So that brings us to today, when Fox releases a third “Where is Peter Bishop?” teaser trailer:

It calls attention to that same conversation (from “The Plateau”) between Olivia and her hallucination of Peter. “Real is just a matter of perception. I am here, and I’m a part of you that you have to hold on to. You can’t forget this,” he says. It’s so romantic I can barely stand it. Over a mixture of old and new footage–including a wet-haired Walter in the lab–Dr. Bishop voices a new line:

“I don’t think there’s anything sadder than when two people are meant to be together and something else intervenes.”

It’s not likely that this quote refers to Olivia and Peter, as I’m expecting the left-behinds to be in the dark about Peter for a while. What’s more likely is that this refers to someone involved in a case, someone who’s been separated from the person they love by fringe-y circumstances. I’ll speculate that this is from the second episode back, and that this will be one of those episodes where the particulars of the case align wonderfully with the goings-on of our characters at home. With the immediate logistics of the Bridge decided, it’ll be back to business for the team, who are starting to come to terms with I’M SO LONELY AND I DON’T KNOW WHY. Maybe that gripping angst could even lead Walter and Olivia (and, who knows, maybe even Fauxlivia–that nut really loved her nugget, after all) to investigate whether something (or someone) intervened in their destiny.

even jenna fischer believes jim and pam have become boring and sexless. // nbc promotional photo

Jenna Fischer told New York Magazine this week that her real-life pregnancy will be written in to The Office. I guess they heard all my griping about James Spader and figured they needed to find a way to keep me invested.

Said Fischer, “Pam will be pregnant when the season starts. Pam and Jim snuck away last season on Valentine’s Day, and they had sex. The story is that they conceived this baby at that time and were keeping it a secret until we come back from the summer.”

Couple thoughts:

1. Does Jenna really believe that Pam and Jim have sex so infrequently that it’s a good thing the writers made such a blatant insinuation in “PDA”? That’s cold.
2. There’s really no reason NOT to write in the pregnancy. Pam and Jim are happy, they’ve already done the first baby storyline (meaning #2 will be even LESS of a burden than Cece), and it’s the best excuse for sending Jenna on her real maternity leave. Also, BABIES!!!!!!!
3. It actually could be pretty funny. Remember that the Cece news was big enough to merit taking The Office’s cliffhanger spot in 2009. #2 is the afterthought. Also, after how big of a deal the whole unplanned pregnancy thing was, it’s hilarious that Pam got pregnant less than a year after the first one was born. And likely accidentally, once more.
4. Please don’t let Jenna name this one.

this was five episodes ago and now you are seven months pregnant. // fox promotional photo

The first spoilers for Bones’s seventh season are out, and they weren’t lying when they said they were doing a time jump. In fact, in this premiere, it’s three years later, and Booth and Brennan have a child. They got married, but it didn’t work out, and they are now divorced and splitting custody of their kid. See? They managed to keep the tone of the show exactly the same! They’re back to WILL THEY OR WON’T THEY, but with EVEN HIGHER STAKES because now there’s a child involved. DRAAAAAAAMA.

Just kidding. That’s not what happens.

Actual spoilers after the jump.

We pick up several months later. It is indicated that Brennan is “great with child.” It appears that she and Booth are maintaining separate residences, and at least on this morning, they’ve spent the night at Booth’s. Brennan is bitching about his apartment being too small; in reality, she’s just Aunt Marge-ing it up in there.

From the limited information we have, we know that the case, which involves a woman who lost her memory, will evoke memories for Booth and Brennan about their respective childhoods. Brennan in particular seems kind of moody throughout the episode, which is to be expected, since she’s still working on her feet all day while she’s hugely pregnant.

That’s pretty much all we know, but I feel pretty confident reaching the following conclusion:

By episode’s end, Booth and Brennan will have decided to live together, either at her apartment or at a new place that’s big enough to fit all of their tchotchkes and children. (Recall that Brennan slept on the couch in “The Hole in the Heart,” suggesting that there’s no spare bed in the apartment, even for Parker. Where are they going to put a second baby?) Brennan may also express to Booth her doubt that they can successfully parent a child, considering how crappy their own parents were. He’ll reassure her with lovely statements such as, “You’re going to love this baby so much.” and “Parker’s turning out okay, right?” and “Hey, at least you know what not to do.” They’ll determine that, at the very least, they’ll do better than their own parents did. Which, really, is a low bar to set, considering Booth’s dad beat him and Brennan’s parents preferred bank robbery to successful parenting. Bottom line is, this is the episode where they’ll decide to officially raise this baby as a family.

Michael Hodgins also makes an appearance, to which I say, Child, enjoy your time as the baby on this show, because you’re about to get upstaged but good in a couple months.

No word yet on whether or not B&B have been remanded to Sweets’s psychological jurisdiction or if there’s been confirmation that this baby will be female (she will).

Anything else you’re particularly waiting to find out about? 

you'll get through this, guys. even if li'l sebastian didn't. // nbc promotional photo

Mike Schur is one of my favorite writers, not just because he masterminded Parks and Recreation and The Office: The Good Seasons, but also because his interviews are a near-perfect informational blend of sharing and withholding. After his latest interview with TVGuide, I feel like he’s given us loads to speculate on … without really spilling much at all.

Schur on Tammy 1:

You’ll see her very early in the season. Probably not in the first episode, but mostly likely in the second. We’re working on casting her as we speak… We talked about pretty much every possible iteration of who she is and what her backstory is and all we knew is that we didn’t want to do the same thing we did with Tammy 2. Tammy 1 is her own specific brand of demon. I think we came up with backstory for her that’s both funny and illuminating and also answers all of the questions that you would have when seeing people’s reactions to her presence in the finale.

I’ve already offered my thoughts on the kind of person Tammy 1 should be, and I’m excited to see what “brand of demon” these writers make her out to be. What’ll be more interesting is whether they try to stunt cast this role or instead choose someone who can be around on a more recurring basis. I can’t wait.

Schur on Ben and Leslie:

The two things — this possible career path for her and her relationship with Ben — are completely at odds with each other. What is Leslie going to do, and how is she going to do it? She says in the finale, “I’ve waited for this moment all my life.” We really did some soul-searching about the character, who is both a romantic at heart and very ambitious. She makes a decision in the premiere and basically the story of the year is that she keeps making decisions, that things keep popping up and she keeps having to reevaluate where she stands. She has to keep figuring out what’s important to her.

Priorities! They are a challenge. This highlights something I said last year, that “will they or won’t they” is ridiculous and that real love stories are about trying to be together when it isn’t easy. The writers did an excellent job last season setting up this dilemma for Leslie. Sure, she’s had love interests before, but can you imagine Leslie even thinking twice about the offer when considering Justin (Justin Theroux) or Dave (Louis C.K.)? It’s going to be fun to watch because, like Leslie, we want BOTH for her.

Here’s the real issue: even if she chooses Ben over this request to run for higher office, it’s still going to have to stay a secret. It’s not like Chris’s sex policy has gone anywhere. So I imagine she’s going to pursue her dream, sacrificing her relationship with Ben, as heartbreaking as it will be. And they will look longingly at each other, and Leslie will wonder if she is making the right choices, and Ben will eventually get a girlfriend who we will hate, but it will all turn out okay in the end, and Leslie will run and win on a platform of Romance for Everyone, Even Municipal Employees.

Schur on Ben’s electoral history:

The fact that he is the only person that Leslie is very close to who has ever run for office and won is a very big deal. It would probably be better for her if the same guy who had won an election wasn’t also the guy she was very much in love with, because again those two things are at odds with each other. But the fact that he does have this past will definitely come into play.

Imagine meeting sessions where they eat food and feel sorry for each other.

Schur on Entertainment 720:

The tag of the finale was Tom showing everyone around his crazy new offices, so you’re going to have that spirit present as well, and then you’ll see what happens to that company over the first several episodes. When the season starts, he is 100 percent immersed in Entertainment 720.

This is the only thing I am not particularly looking forward to about the new season. We know that Tom eventually has to come back to work at the Parks Department. Remember, this show had such a hard time figuring out what to do with Ann that they created a bogus job for her at City Hall so she’d have something to do. So will this storyline just feel like biding time until Tom returns—or worse, like wasting time away from the government? Please, let this not be the Parks and Rec equivalent of Dwight’s stint at Staples.

only one character in this photo was totally likeable this season. hint: it's zola. // abc promotional photo

Where We Started: Post-rampage, the staff of Seattle Grace-Mercy West puts the pieces back together. For Cristina, this means being emo and annoying; for Meredith, coping with Derek’s near-death experience and the miscarriage she suffered during the shootout. Other people are also affected.

Where We Ended: With a lot of rocky relationships. Cristina and Owen seem to be over, after she told him she was planning on terminating her pregnancy, regardless of his opinion. Derek’s being a baby about Meredith’s clinical trial shenanigans, which is ironic because they have an actual baby now. Alex moved out of Meredith’s house, which is convenient considering Zola didn’t have a room. Let’s see, what else? Sloane “gave” Lexie to Jackson, so that’s decided on. Teddy surprisingly made out with her cancer-patient husband, whose pilot conveniently did not get picked up, so that could be a thing. The lesbians didn’t really get a storyline in the last episode, but they seem to be doing okay.

Outstanding Episode Along the Way: The musical episode. Just kidding! My favorite this season was “Golden Hour,” a real-time episode that showed many characters, and especially Meredith, in new and interesting ways.

MVP: I mean, with Grey’s, this is always going to be kind of a “lesser of fourteen evils,” but I’m going to have to go with Alex. He’d been kind of a sad-sack post-Izzie, and it was fun to see him move on with Lucy, despite how badly that ended. We’ve known for a while (since he was making out with Addison) that Alex was leaning toward neonatal surgery, but this year he really embraced the specialty. It was even his devotion to sick babies (or at least to making chief resident by way of sick babies) that introduced Derek and Meredith to little Zola. It’s just too bad he ended the season as a crapface tattletale.

Best Payoff: Zola! Derek and Meredith’s season of infertility was capped off with them adopting a sick little girl from Africa, and while the adoption process has thus far been unrealistically easy, it’s been great to see known daughter-father McDreamy and known Champion of Mommy Issues Meredith ease into parenthood. Even just seeing Meredith WANT to have a family was such a monumental (and satisfying) change for her. I can only imagine that they will evolve even more next season, and, God willing, that we’ll get to see lots more of McDreamy being a snuggly dad.

Quote of the Year: Related. “Okay, we’re gonna be okay,” Meredith told little Zola when she realized it might just be Mom and daughter for a while. “You and I, we’re a team, right? We’re tough. We have that in common. I am very glad you’re here. I didn’t think your first day would be quite like this, but I’m gonna get it together, and we’re gonna figure this out.” Don’t tell me that’s not the most optimistic and gung-ho that Meredith’s been about anything since the day she cleaned Crazy Ava’s blood off the floor.

Worst Storyline: Callie and Arizona got into a car accident. Although Arizona was fine, Callie spent one episode in critical condition with internal bleeding and hallucinations of her colleagues singing The Songs of Grey’s Anatomy, and one additional episode recovering. Since then, it’s barely been mentioned again. Also, there were no repercussions for Arizona and her terrible driving skills. Note to future boyfriends: if we are driving in a car and you give me an ultimatum about marriage and then proceed to crash the car in such a violent fashion that I am thrown through the windshield WHILST PREGNANT, there will be serious conversations about the future of our relationship when I regain consciousness.

Spend the Summer Wondering…: Last week’s finale really didn’t have any major cliffhangers. I mean, I think it’s very safe to say that Derek will forgive Meredith in time for them to file official adoption paperwork for Zola. (Although, gosh, can you imagine if they had to send her back to Africa? That would be a ROUGH storyline.) Cristina and Owen are obviously headed for a breakup, if not an out-and-out divorce. I will be spending the summer wondering why Cristina didn’t just have her tubes tied after her first unwanted pregnancy back in season two. Last season’s finale was built on such a crazy series of events that it took a good chunk of this season to deal with the fallout. Since this one ended without gunshots, prom sex, or any of the other insane finale fodder that Grey’s has brought in the past, they’re going to have to come up with some fresh storylines going into season eight. Good luck.