gossip girl: so. not. happy.

in my fantasies, anna espinosa kills vanessa using only the cranberry sauce. // the cw promotional photo

Kristin dos Santos has some new scoops on the couples of Gossip Girl, and I, for one, am so not amused.  It’s going to be an excruciating few months over there, and I just … ugh. Spoilers and whining under the cut.Says E! Online’s spoiler source:

According to sources, Dan and Vanessa are most definitely on. They will be getting together this season.

Ditto Nate and Serena, who will become a bona fide couple.

Rufus and Lily will have a major problem (Serena’s father).

And Chuck and Blair will be going strong.

Okay, Chuck and Blair–I’m glad that’s working out.  They’re still as interesting to me as they’ve always been, which is not that much.  I think Chuck is one of the most deplorable characters ever on television (I know, that’s an unpopular opinion), but Blair is just so wonderful that I’ll allow her to do whatever she wants to do.  If she wants to stay with Chuck, then she should.  You go, girl.

Rufus and Lily having drama is getting old, but I must say that the whole Serena’s father thing is kind of an interesting storyline.  The only bummer is that I’m sure this will involve both over-40′s characters acting like babies, which is always hard to take.

Now, since the show began, I’ve been firmly in the Dan/Serena camp, so it always pains me a little to see either one hooking up with someone else.  That said, I’ve been enjoying political sex scandal Serena–and what’s that’s been doing to Nate.  Nate and Vanessa have always seemed like tangential characters to the whole series–particularly after Nate and Blair broke up in season one–but I actually like Nate’s character and enjoy seeing him get meaty storylines.  So I’m pseudo-okay with Nate and Serena hooking up for a while.

But … I effing DESPISE Vanessa.  I think she’s one of the most poorly written, poorly portrayed characters EVER, and I wish she would just get hit by a bus.  So I especially don’t want to see her moving in on Dan Humphrey, who clearly has his faults but who deep down is a good guy.  Let’s hope these two can get it out of their systems and move on.  Notice, “move on” for Dan means “find someone else who’s actually awesome.”  For Vanessa, “move on” means “die a slow and painful death.”

Awesome.