gossip girl: eww. just eww.

gross // the cw promotional photo

SpoilerTV thinks they’ve deduced a big Gossip Girl spoiler, and it’s pretty eww. Spoilers after the jump.

I think everyone can see this threesome storyline for what it is–a ratings ploy and a “look how far we’ll push the envelope” stunt.  (See also: Chuck’s guy-on-guy kiss next week.)

Using their deduction powers on a handful of tease-y articles about the threesome, SpoilerTV has narrowed it down to Dan/Olivia/Vanessa.  And can I please just say–eww.

First of all, everything Vanessa does is gross. She is my number one Character Who Should Get Hit By a Bus. She’s totally useless, always a third character in scenes that only really require two. (Look! Third threesome wheel! Seriously!) If she comes out of this threesome with THE FEELINGS FOR DAN (again), I will seriously hire a hit man for Vanessa Abrams.

Beyond that, I just really don’t like how Dan is so squeaky-clean most of the time and then he just EXPLODES in an epic pile of crazybrain. Remember how he hooked up with Rachel the Teacher last year? At least Chuck Bass is consistently disgusting. Plus, we all know that Dan’s eventually going to end up back with Serena (Right? Right!?!), and we all know that Hilary Duff is only around for a certain number of episodes, so why push this nonsense when it’s clearly not going anywhere? Whereas character development on most shows looks more or less like an line with a positive slope (perhaps with a few dips where they hook up with an ex or kill their father or something), Gossip Girl‘s characters don’t change over time.  If I drew a chart, it would look like a heartrate monitor–spiking at particular storyline points, but always reverting back to where it started.

Also, I just really don’t want to see that.